Category: writer

The holidays are here—a time for cherished family moments and sharing gifts with loved ones. Treat your loved ones to an adventure story that celebrates faith, love, and the enduring power of the human spirit.

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If you’ve been waiting for a blog entry from me, I’m sorry I’m a month late. Due to my wife’s epilepsy becoming something that has taken up a lot of my time and mind. I’ve been super slow to write or even work on my dream of being a screenwriter. I know many write no matter what goes on in their lives. I’ve been offered writing jobs (my own opinion), but scared to act. Am I good enough comes to mind, then what about my wife? Doctor’s visits driving here and there. Catch her when she falls, and take care of her. Feed her and just be there for her.

Then my mom says you’ve been blessed. I say no she said to take a look. We may not be debt free or do I have a bachelor’s degree, but bills are paid. We have a house. We got with government assistance a new furnace and A/C. We have food on the table. Our dogs are fed. We may not leave the house much or have friends beyond family. However, we are loved, and we love.
I know when I make it our lives will change drastically. We will be debt free. We will be able to give to those in our situation now. We will still be loved, and love others just have money to help our actions. We will leave our house, and we will still have our old farts (dogs).

I know everyone has their problems and their successes. I’m currently in a “many problems” in my life right now, but I know my successes are coming.

I hope to write more and write about success, but if not I hope to write more positive tidbits and thoughts about screenwriting and screenplays.

Many of us writers write for the love of writing. Others do it because they can and get paid well to do so. I write because I have many ideas that I want others to read them. I write my blog the same way for ideas I have things to say, and I end up just get one or a few people who ever read it. So how can I make an impact? What do I need to do? I sent my “mentor” this email with my script attached. He has yet to respond. Really, I don’t know if I have a “mentor.” Or did my email get put in spam?

“I know it’s been a while since my last email. I’m still working on new ideas and always going back to Ring of Wishes. I think I’m going to learn with your help in which I will know how to modify my new ideas and make them the best as I make Ring of Wishes perfect. Again, I know my success resides with me, and you can help only so far. I just keep dreaming and hoping, but that is not work and just an idea of future life when I should only think of the present. I hope and sometimes pray that your help paves a way for me, and I reach the success I so badly want.

I hope you are having a great Holiday Season thus far.”

Now I can pay money to Stage32 and pitch to managers, agents, and others, but I did this last year and the only thing it did was put me in debt and a couple of requests. Nevertheless, here I am a year later, still in debt and no help from a manager or other.

I want to write and be a success, but we all need a little help. I know if I got some, I would pay it forward, but until then I can’t do anything when my hands are tied.

My mother read my letter to Ellen, and I don’t know who else. I don’t get any comments, so I don’t know if anyone other than her reads my blog entries or even glances at them.

How can I contribute to my family financially? It is by get a script sold, or a writing job of some kind. Maybe I should just sell my body on the side of the road?

I didn’t want the world to know my story, but when submitting to Ellen you only have 1500 characters, and well I have a lot of story to tell. Here is my letter to her. And if you’ve read my blog, then you just might know more than you know. Please no judging!

Thank you to those whom read this!

Dear Ellen,

Or whomever reads this.

My name is Forrest L Rawls and I have a story to tell you. I’m an aspiring screenwriter, dreamer, and procrastinator. I want to sound intelligent and a man who could write something that could inspire, but that’s not the case. If my last name sounds familiar, my second cousin, Wilson Rawls wrote Where the Red Fern Grows.

My story now begins. I was born June 28th 1980, my mom says that I am the best oops baby. I lived life like any kid until 94 when my appendix ruptured. It was three days before I went to the hospital, and when I was in my hospital room, the doctor came in to see how I was. He informed me that I had minutes to live if I waited any longer my life would have ended. That was the first time I almost died. In 2003, I was hit by a girl who was on her cell phone. The third time was the next following year when at 100 miles per hour, a drunk driver hit me.

When I was younger, I wanted to be a great artist, but I could only draw what I saw and not things out of my own mind. After my first near-death experience, it changed into writing what I saw in my mind. By the third time I almost died, I was put in a mental hospital. I cracked. Life threw me some curve balls, and I didn’t know how to handle it any more.

After my stint in the mental hospital, I was never the same. I never finished what I start, and I really don’t like being around a lot of people for a long period of time. I was diagnosed with ADHD, Bi-Polar, and self-diagnosed with a bit of Autism. I went from writing a novel (that I self-published even though it was full of grammar, spelling, and structure issues) to writing scripts. I do have one that I’ve spent six years on, and yet I’ve been told it’s still not ready. The one that was a novel has been 20 years in the making. It’s based on my self-published novel Legacy of the Holy Warrior, which is the 20-year-old script. I guess you can say I did finish it, but with no money for an editor, it’s purely published so that I can say I did it. A comic book was made from the idea with a friend who couldn’t take it further without paying the bills first.

I don’t want to ask for your help, because it might show that I’m needy. I know we all have dreams, and we want our lives to be better. I know for sure I do since I haven’t worked in five years. I’ve been slowly working on my hearts desire, my dream. I’ve gone to college, to use the loans to survive, now I’m sixty thousand dollars in debt and no degree to show for it. I’m still dealing with my mental illness. I did get married in 2007 to an awesome woman who has dealt with me and my issues, and she has her own problems less mental more physical. She has epilepsy. I do rather thank God that I haven’t worked in so long, because of the many doctor appointments, she has seen these last few years.

My mother has been my rock. She has helped with bills even after my stepfather died two years ago, and losing her home, she had for 28 years. She now lives in a townhouse, and after my sister’s second divorce, my mom let her move in with her daughter. My mother loves me, my wife, and I love her. At the end of the show, you say, “Be kind to one another.” My mother is the kindest person in the world and even when she loses, someone or something dear to her; she still will be kind and giving.

I do have dreams for my family and I when I do make it in screenwriting. Paying bills off and then be financial free to pay it forward. I’ve always wanted a comic book company (I kind of have one with what I’ve done with the comic book. It’s White Shadow, LLC and it registered with the government), production, and other movie and cartoon-related companies. Nevertheless, without seeing the light of my own well, I don’t know how I can help someone when I’m in darkness. I want to bring light into the world even if it only for a short time.

I’m 34 years old and really have nothing to show for it, other than the love I have for all and for the life I’ve lived. I even don’t mind the bad because there has been good to great moments. I don’t want to live on government assistance anymore, and I want my family to live life without money worries. I want my mom to have her hearts dream, my sister to have her own place and car, for my niece to have her own room and to live as a teenager without the worries of money. I want to take my wife on a vacation, be more of a man, pay the bills, and work hard for that money that I would make. Even so, I feel that my work won’t matter and the work I do put in isn’t enough. I just want to put a spark back into what I had so long ago, but I just need and want a lot.

I want to further myself in my career as a writer and screenwriter. However, to further my career, I need help with the perfecting of my craft (a mentor or more classes), and to get out of Idaho.

It’s so hard to go anywhere when all you have is a dream and an empty checking account.

I know I’m just dreaming and hoping, but that’s me.

I want to say so much more, but I don’t want to take any more of your time.

Please contact me if you like at:
Forrest L Rawls
907 13th Ave S
Nampa, ID 83651
whiteshadowllc@gmail.com
Twitter: @ACreativeTree or @WhiteShadowLLC
Facebook.com/ForrestLRawls
Website: www.whiteshadowllc.com
Blog: www.whiteshadowllc.com/wp

Sincerely,

Forrest L. Rawls

With bipolar disorder cropping up from celebrities to politicians, you may be wondering what truly affects these individuals. Yes, a mental illness is typically a misfire of chemical and electrical waves within the brain. Nevertheless, is there another, underlying cause? One cause can point to a varying disorder called sleep apnea, a condition that can create a mental abnormality. Does the lack of oxygen to the brain due to lack of sleep cause a mental illness?

If you snore, the two greater factors of blame are pointed to either, obstructive sleep apnea or obesity. The lack of oxygen to the brain can cause one to be tired during the day, inciting drastic mood swings. In most cases, individuals suffer from depression and inconsistent sleep schedules, resulting in lying awake at night. Sleep is imperative to the overall general health of an individual. Finding the serenity of slumber should be natural, without one becoming dependent on sleep aids.

If you are prescribed a muscle relaxant, your lack of sleep can actually become worse; especially, sufferers of obstructive sleep apnea. It’s not advised to have certain muscle relaxants including medications, such as: Valium, Ativan and Klonopin. These prescriptions can cause the surrounding airway muscles to collapse- causing sleep depravity, resulting in mood changes and chemical imbalances.

Medication for many, is imperative to live a functionally, normal life, but many contemplate what can be done to lessen the side-effects they feel? The first suggestion is moderate exercise and changing your diet. For some, it is not that simple and many should look into acquiring a prescribed CPAP. This machine produces the air that individuals need when the body is having complications during sleeping. This machine has been used on individuals who have undergone a sleep study and suffer from conditions that require its use. Speak to your doctor who will determine the machine type, they will also determine the air pressure that you need to stay consistently asleep. Once sleep is obtained normally, the mental balance can once again become stabilized.

Sleep deprivation is a condition millions of Americans suffer from. Psych Central advises individuals can suffer from memory loss, a disorientation of rationalization, resulting in severe mood swings. When your body is tired, it becomes dehydrated and this combination can be a deadly mix to your mental stability. Some individuals with a deeper severity of sleep loss had reported hallucinations and slurred speech. Dr. Yasinski of Yasinski Psychiatry states,

“Without adequate oxygen to your brain, the ability of psychiatric medications, exercise and healthy living to improve depression or bipolar disorder is decreased and thus many patients present as ‘treatment resistant’ when in reality they are resistant only due to a co-morbid sleep apnea disorder that has gone unrecognized.”

A sleep study is highly recommended for individuals who suffer from sleep disruption and mental disorders like bipolar. This painless test can gauge the level of severity from children to adults. If sleep apnea is the cause of the mental illness, treatment can be recommended and prescribed by a doctor, leading to stability of sleep, mind and life.

Forrest L. Rawls
http://www.yasinskipsychiatry.com/sleep-apnea-worsens-depression-and-bipolar-disorder/
http://www.psycheducation.org/BipolarMechanism/3ClockRole.htm
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/02/13/8-effects-of-sleep-deprivation-on-your-health/

We’ve all heard the stories of the Bible how God created Heaven and Earth and Man. Then we have all heard the stories of Darwin and how a Big Bang created the universe and dinosaurs and man. However, what if both are true. You may ask how can they both be true? Well, this is the true story of how the universe was created and how God made His only mistake.

When God sat on his throne, he became bored and decided to create beings that could stand by his side and have intellectual conversations with. Therefore, he created his angels, but these angels weren’t the only thing. He wanted to create something miraculous. So, he clapped his celestial hands and that became the Big Bang. It was like rolling the dice or making a wish. God didn’t know what would come of it, so as we all do he hoped for the best. Then came stars, galaxies, and the rest of the universe. He wanted pets’ creatures that would be as humongous as, he and that wouldn’t talk back or bark orders of any kind. Those were the dinosaurs. Then he thought of man, but it wasn’t the inelegant man of today it was of those mindless apes. Yes, Apes. Creatures that look like man, but weren’t they had the inelegance of the dinosaurs. With this, they evolved and gain knowledge, but still they were not putting their faith in the one that created them. The Dinosaurs were mindless animals that fought each other and had no will to change. Man had the will to change, but still lacked many things. God was upset at his mistake and decided to start over. With this, he destroyed all he had created. The angel Satan whom had been God’s right hand being, became angry and hated God for destroying such great things as those mindless animals. Satan rebelled and when God created, the new Earth, He had the mind of changing heaven. He cast Satan and his followers to the spiritual depths of hell. Satan became the one whom would oppose God and persuade God’s people to make mistakes as God once did. We aren’t perfect because God saw what he could become. Therefore, he changed and made sure he would never make another mistake again. He gave us commands to follow, so that we would be perfect, but with the persuasion of Satan things so perfect didn’t last. God gives us trials to see whether we will be persuaded by Satan, or if we keep our faith and eyes to him. He knows we can’t be his perfection, but we can try the best that we can and have the faith he has his hands on us pushing us along. He also has given us with the power of Christ to ward away Satan and his lackeys.

Nevertheless, who believes this story to be true? I don’t know, but what I do know is that I believe in God.

Disclaimer: This story is fiction and should be taken as such if you take it at reality that is your own decision.

This has been a couple of months coming. I’ve well, given up in writing and just felt sorry for myself, but things are changing.

A couple of months ago:

I thought for a month now that I could do a short film about me. It might be viewed more than my blog because I’m not writing so no errors can be pointed out other than how crazy I look on film. I thought about trying to fund my own shorts to be noticed for my writing that way since my scripts aren’t to the level that is what people don’t shoe you away for. I know my writing sucks, and I know people are done with me having a pity party for myself and to move on. People say that would be noticed more if you did more work and showed progression throughout that work. However, it’s hard to get back in the saddle and in the mode of nonstop writing and working. I’m confused on what I should work on should I reedit Ring of Wishes? Should I work on my adaption of The Legacy or should I work on a faith and family hopeful script The Love of One?

I’m trying not to have a negative attitude about life and financial needs. I’ve tried to start a donation on my blog then with a GoFundMe as well as the Facebook plugin app FundRazr, and now a Fundly. No, I’ve raised nothing and the first two I set up for issue 2 of The Legacy comic book, but no takers. Why? Well, it’s not for an illness or my dogs (which I’m maxed out there Care Credit to fix some teeth and old lady issues (Sweetie). I don’t have the family that gives, okay well, that is not the truth it’s certain family members. Moreover, we all have our problems, and we all have our hopes and dreams. However, are they worth dreaming and hoping about anymore? Should, I just give up?

I did decide I needed to bring some money into this house and help out. That was a joke; the jobs I applied for came back with an email saying I’m not what they’re looking for. I answered all their questions. I know I’ve been out of work for a while now. However, they didn’t want me. So who does? I don’t have the greatest writing and motivation, but come on I know I will when I get paid for normal labor, so I’m motivated more. So, come on man?!

We all have dreams of what we would do with lots of money, but why don’t those who have the money want to know how we would use it and end up giving it to us? I don’t know.

Now:

Well, reading this, I still feel the same way. I feel that I don’t contribute enough, and I don’t write enough. I want so many things “If it’s to be it’s up to me” but I don’t seem to be doing anything. I’ve decided to do a podcast, but would people listen and judge me on my verbal English grammar. Will I have anything to contribute to someone’s life or give him or her tips on dreams?

With the recent suicide of Robin Williams, I’ve noticed that my life hasn’t had bad news as in his case. And I’ve never thought of suicide (where I took action) a lot. One’s bad news or life is not bad or worse than the next it’s how you deal with the news that tells if your life is terrible. Such as, I give up on writing because family says to, and no money is being made. Should I write or should I not? Like the quote before “If it’s to be it’s up to me.” I need to put the effort into it. Moreover, with my new mentor he said for no fee he would help me but I’ve done nothing for a month since we last spoke.

COME ON ME! GET TO WORK!

This year has started off just great. In June, college is over without a degree or a career aspect. I have to find a job that I know I’ll hate. I’m now out of another med and can have a psychotic break at any moment. Dreams are that, just empty dreams. Nothing coming true how much I hope and pray. Or work on it each day. I say I’m a writer without anything published or anything known to man. My faith in God and of people is gone. Suicide is not an answer, but is on my mind. Giving into doubt and endless wonder. Holding me here is my wife her family and part of mine. If God is in control, why does my life feel so out of control? This year has just begun, but I want it over.