Give Up or Push On

I?ve debated to type this up all weekend long and have lost some thoughts in the process, some good words and really excellent thoughts. I wish I didn?t have to speak what?s on my mind or type it. I just wished it would appear on paper for me. That?s a bit lazy I know, but recently that has been me.  I took a few minutes now to get distracted and not type again.

Well, here goes.

I?ve debated the last few days if I should continue to write my adaption of my book that made a short appearance as a comic book. Alternatively, to rewrite the whole book and edit it better this time and re self-publish it to help bring some income in. To keep the writing hopes and dreams alive. You may say why don?t you take a break and work for a few months at a normal day-to-day job. To help open up your mind to some new and cool ideas. I would love to do that, but I?m one whom if I stop I may not start again.

I?ve taken those moments of not having a coach or a mentor to think of maybe I need a writing partner. Nevertheless, I?m new to the world of screenwriting and I really don?t want anyone to take my thoughts or ideas and use them to gain money or fame. I want my name in the credits. And I know I?ve heard it from many videos that you could get paid millions for a script. I don?t care if you want to pay me millions I would take a teacher?s salary. Just to bring some money in and to start feeling that life isn?t just piling shit on me and never raining to clear some of it off.  I know my words aren?t unique and crisp and stylish, but I?m not that either.

I don?t know really what?s wrong with me. Am I in the giving up mood when I seriously haven?t given it a Huge try? I?ve tried to get a manager or agent or some kind of help in my writing. I?ve received great suggestions and tips, mostly from books and videos. But I need a supporter someone to root me on, that isn?t family. I need a boost. I don?t have the money to pay now, but it will; I will pay off.  Just take me under your wing wise and seasoned sir or madam.

When contemplating the thought of completely stopping writing all together. Or  to just give it ALL up those dreams, visions, and ideas. I awoke to a dream that was so vivid. I thought it was the true life I was living. But when it came to an end, I remembered it, and I was wide awake. So I got up and started to write it down. As I?m doing, so I say hey that?s a great idea only to lose the rest of the dream from my memory banks.

I know for those who believe in God and in destiny, I?m doing what God wants me to be doing right? Well, I?ve asked this before is that I don?t know. Things in my family have gotten worse financially, but don?t all families go through that? Well yes, but I?m so sick and tired of mine being the one that gets the short straw.  I recently watched a video by  Tyrese Gibson. He tells us that God made us to be extraordinary not ordinary or average. Not to be a drone or a robot and do what the guy/gal next to you is doing. Well, how can I not do what the next person is doing when the next person has made it to the level I want to be at and has the resources the friends the connections to take a thought and make it real. I?ve tried fund raising, Kickstarter, and screamed for help. But here I type my message of; I don?t know, and I don?t KNOW again.

I have so many things I want to do if I did have MONEY. Not just to make me and my family?s dreams come true, but to help my four-legged children and their distance relatives who don?t have homes of their own. I have these Ideas these thoughts, but I just write them down and show myself because there are no sounds in response by those whom aren?t my family.  And when they do come I hope I?m ready for them, and I?m not so down in the dumps that I say Fuck It All.

For those who have read my other writings and my comic book and read my book. Thank you! Even so, I would really like to hear from you not just that you purchased or read, but what you would to make it the thing that caches you off guard.

I know if you?ve read my past posts or anything I write. It?s always about me and wah wah. Cry baby this, cry baby that. I know I keep beating the pillow, and no feather fall. Nevertheless, until someone holds my hand or gives me a smack on my back as if I?m doing a good job, and I should keep doing it. I?m always going to contemplate should I stop writing and dreaming or should I keep pushing.

For God sake man, I turn 34 this year, and I?m still trying to get out unto the world. However, thank you Rachele Brooke Smith for recently favorited my last couple of tweets to you. But I?m a man who needs a bit more. I know I should be grateful she read them, but “Thanks. I’ll read it in time,? would be great too.

Thank you all who read my blabber and my pity party pants.